Finding a little time

I have come to find that it is hard to find any time. Between taking care of a newborn, who wants to be held CONSTANTLY (and isn’t a fan yet of the slings, and I have a few different types) and an almost 2 year old who yearns for momsΒ  attention, as well as two other toddlers that I watch, then throw in trying to feed and diaper them all, oh AND trying to keep up on sweeping, laundry, and dishes, you can imagine I have some very busy days. It seems every time I finally get the 3 toddlers to do something, baby Hadi wakes up ready to eat, or just hangout in moms arms. It’s hard to try to get time to upload my pictures, check my messages, and write on my blog. Every day I look rather gaudy, with my extremely messy hair, my mismatched, stained clothes, and lack of make up. But while people would sit here complaining, how they miss having their “me” time, I cannot help but smile. I love being a mom. I love being constantly busy with my two beautiful girls. This is definitely what I was made to do. Yes, I have my moments where I want to lock myself in a closet for just 5 minutes of peace and quiet, but those moments are rare. Those moments usually are due toΒ  trying to make lunch, while trying to separate two fighting toddlers, while trying to get Hadi to take a nap and stop screaming, while trying to explain to Rhemidy that she needs to share, while trying to get the dogs to stop whining. Ahh multitasking. Much more difficult when you have screaming children. πŸ™‚

Anyways, what has been going on in this crazy house? Well, Tomorrow my littlest turns 3 weeks. She has been doing pretty awesome. We are nursing GREAT. In fact, she now refuses a bottle, and only wants mom. πŸ™‚ We finally mastered the laying down position at night, which is awesome! (especially since her night nursing usually takes an hour, she likes to take her time at 4 in the morning. ahhh!) She has awesome awake time. She hates being on the floor on her belly, but LOVES laying on her belly on the boppy pillow. Her eyes are still a beautiful, dark blue. Her hair has lightened up a little more, to a light auburn brown.Β  We havn’t had a doctors appointment yet (it was suppose to be Friday, but we forgot, then got rescheduled for today, but due to the snow storm it was cancelled, so now we are looking at Thursday) so not sure how much she weighs, but she seems to be gaining away. She sure does like to eat a lot! Hadiley is also smiling ALL THE TIME. And every time I oooh and ahhh. She also is trying to coo back and mom. Most of the time it just sounds like grunts. πŸ˜€

Rhemidy seems older every day. Her words are growing, she is talking in more sentences, and we have entered the “I Wanted To Do Everything Myself” stage. Sometimes it is awesome, other times, not so much.Β  She always wants to walk at stores now (instead of riding in a buggy or stroller) and man, she is a slow walker. She also is a very distracted walker. But what do you expect from a toddler? Her birthday is a little over a month away, and I am so excited, and a little bit sad. My baby is turning two. Where has time gone? I have decided that this years theme will be Little Red Riding Hood… or as I put it, Little RHEM Riding Hood. πŸ™‚ (She was Little Red for halloween this last year, so I already have a cute little red cape I made her) I love looking up ideas for decorations and food, and am excited to start crafting! Rhem is just so perfect when it comes to being a big sister. She absolutely adores Hadiley already. She is constantly giving her kisses and talking to her, and is very protective of her sister. She needs to know where Hadi is at all times and what she is doing. It is a joy to watch. (as I type this, Rhem runs over to inform me that Hadiley is Nigh-Nigh in the swing.)

In over news, we got a new bed. A big, beautiful king size bed. A big, beautiful, king size, MEMORY FOAM bed. Oh it is so comfortable, and roomy, and wonderful. We also bought some new sheets and a new comforter for it, which of course now has us wanting to paint and re do the whole upstairs. πŸ˜€ (we still need to finish our bathroom and office room, oh and our hallway…)

In not fun news, we have been trying to allow our dogs more freedom, so we no longer have to kennel them. Well, they so far have ripped apart some towels, ate a whole in our wall near a door going outside, ate some base, tore apart a bag of stuffing from my sewing room, tore apart a ball of yarn, tore apart some tissue paper and gift bags, and got in the garbage. I hate dogs. I do not understand you dog people. I miss the laid backness of owning a cat.(although I love not having the litter box smell. cats smell. but are way better than dogs!)

Alright, well the baby is starting to wake up, and she will need some of mama’s milk! πŸ™‚

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Where has the time gone?

I have so much to say and update on, yet every time I sit down to type, I find myself quickly getting up to start or finish something else. I felt like I was depriving my readers though, so here is a quick update, in hopes to find to time in the next few hours to actually sit down and write a real update. (as I am typing this, my Rhem is crying for a blanket) Ah, the busyness of a mom with more than one child.

Both girls have been doing great, Hadiley will be 3 weeks on Wednesday, and Rhem will be TWO in a month and a week. Time is flying bye. Work is going well, for the most part the other kids keep my Rhem entertained while I tend to baby, make lunches, do laundry, sweep, change diapers, and take care of two psycho dogs.

I am one busy lady, but very blessed and very happy to have such wonderful, beautiful girls. (and an awesome husband)

well off to make lunch, and wash our sheets, since Hadiley had a big spit up in the middle of the night after a feeding.


A week old

What a wonderful day. Today my sweet little Hads turned a week old. What a busy week it has been. She is a beautiful, healthy 1 week old, and for that I am thankful. She is already beyond her birth weight, and is eating every 3-4 hours and having some good evening awake time. (which at first her awake time was 3 in the morning, AHH! now it is more around 5pm.) Now that my milk has been in for a few days (and boy have I been pumping to be able to bottle feed her, since we were having latch problems, and I am now 20, yes TWENTY, feedings ahead. My husband jokingly calls me Betsy, our daughters own personal cow…) it is a lot easier for Hadi to latch on, so yesterday and this evening we had to successful nursing sessions! I am one happy momma.

In other WONDERFUL news, I am currently writing this sitting in my living room next to my daughter Rhem and husband, while Hadi is asleep upstairs in our room. πŸ˜€ Yes, that is right, Hadi was able to come home this afternoon! So far it has been pretty good! Rhemidy is loving having a little sister. She continues to come over to ask to hold her for a brief second before running off to play again. She loves to pet Hadi’s hair and has warmed up enough to even give her hugs and kisses. Brings me so much joy. She did get a bit jealous a little bit ago when I was nursing and she wanted me to hold her as well and I just couldn’t. Thankfully daddy came in and saved the day by distracting her with toys in the play room while I finished nursing and put Hads up to bed.

My prayers for tonight is that I can get through the nightly feedings, without Rhem also waking up. Tomorrow Rhem is going to go with her Nana to bible study, giving her a chance to get out of the house and play with kids her age, and giving mom and dad some time with just hads. Later we have a lady coming over to take our pictures (we were goingΒ  to get them done in the hospital, but the NICU wouldn’t allow Rhemidy in the room, even thought we were being discharged and only wanted an hour for pictures) and I am hoping both girls participate. I realized that I never got pictures of PJ, Rhem, and me after Rhemidy was born until she was 6 months old, and we haven’t had pictures done since. (Rhem is now 22 months old lol) Well, off to bed I go. This mama is exhausted!

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peace & love.

Life in the NICU

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Well it looks (fingers crossed) that today is our last day in the NICU. We should be able to go home tomorrow morning! It has been a crazy week, one that I definitely didn’t anticipate. But we made it. I made it through my first time spending nights away from Rhem and my first time having a child “sick” enough to be admitted to a hospital. We are very blessed to have two healthy girls, and I am beyond excited to be going home and watching my girls grow up together. I want to thank everyone for all their prayers and support while we embarked on this journey of getting our baby healthy.Β  Nothing else to really update, Hads is obviously continuing to do great, Rhem has been a happy toddler since mom has had a little more freedom to leave the hospital for short periods of time, and I (although exhausted) am feeling great. Again, thank you for everyoneΒ  who has prayed for us, sent us gifts, as well as given us our space while we worked on getting Hads out of here. I am excited to have all our family and friends meet her very soon!

God bless.

Great news and lots of running around…

Alright. So yesterday was an awesome day. It started early morning when the Doctor came around for his check ups and reports. They decided that Hadiley is doing awesome, so she was able to get off of her oxygen tube and they capped her IV line. Yay for less cords and a happier baby! (and mom!) The doctor said she was looking great, and everything was coming back awesome, but he was thinking that we would be staying until next Saturday. However, if the blood results came back later saying the the CRP levels had dropped, and if one of the spinal fluid tests they took come back looking good then we can leave on Wedn! Well the blood results came back saying the CRP is NORMAL. So happy. It was because of the CRP levels that we were admitted here in the first place, so that gives me a sigh of relief! We still are waiting for the lab to tell us about the spinal results, but that might not get here until tomorrow, but one of the nurses thinks that it will come back clean giving us the go for Wednesday! So prayers that she is right!

I have also been pumping like crazy which gives me a little more freedom, seeing that if I am gone for a feeding, they have my breast milk stalked up so she doesn’t need any formula. (I think as of right now I am 5 feedings ahead) Due to my awesome milk supply I headed home last night to cuddle with the hubs and Rhem. OMG I do not think I have seen Rhem so excited to cuddle next to mom. It was wonderful. I woke up at around 1 am to pump (so I don’t lose this awesome milk supply) and come to realize that my pump at home no longer works. BOOO. So I headed back to the hospital. I got back pumped, and laid down only to be woken by a very hungry girl. I fed Hadiley, then cuddled for an hour until she finally went back to sleep. We got 2 hours of sleep until I woke her up so she could get her assesment done. I weighed her (9lbs 8oz!), gave her a bath, the nurse switched out her IV, I pumped some more, then I finished feeding her and rocked her back to sleep. At 7 I headed out the door to stop at the grocery store to pick up some fruit, turkey sausage, and wheat blueberry waffles for breakfast. I also had to stop at Starbucks for some delicious coffee. As soon as I walked up the steps, Rhem rolled over and woke up with the biggest smile on her face. Seriously, I wanted to cry seeing how happy she was to see me. I got her up and dressed and we headed down stairs to make breakfast and spent and hour cuddling before heading back out. (I also taught dad how to write checks to pay the bills haha) I am now back at the hospital, all pumped out, and I hear little Hadi squirming around. πŸ™‚

Even with the little sleep I have had, yesterday and today have been so wonderful. (I haven’t even cried about anything! lol) I am hoping things continue to go so smooth and I am able to keep up this energy and be productive. And maybe slip in a nap here and there. I have so much joy right now, and feel so at peace for once, hoping these feelings stay! Ah. God is good.

Oh, one complaint though. You would think the person in charge of buying the hospital supplies would be kind enough to realize what a woman’s private parts go through during labor, and invest in some soft toilet paper! Seriously, it is scary enough to wipe, but add in the texture of cardboard and you’ll find yourself trying to just hold it. (haha, but seriously, look into Charmin Ultra Soft. Birthing mothers around the world will thank you.)

Picture time. πŸ˜€
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Hadiley (at 4 days old) Rhemidy (2 months old) and Me (newborn picture) πŸ™‚

love & God bless.

The last couple of days…

Wednesday morning I gave birth to another beautiful, 9 pound baby. She was alert, happy, and perfect. By evening she was admitted into the NICU because I was GBS positive, and her CRP Levels were twice what they should be. It has been an emotional roller coaster the last couple days.

I spent Wednesday night, all day & night Thursday, and all day Friday running between the 3rd (NICU) floor and the 5th (postpartum) floor. In between feeding times my husband would come to visit with Rhem. Those moments were always so sweet, but left me in tears every time they left, knowing I was spending another night away from my big girl, Rhem. It was a lot harder than I anticipated. It also is hard to spend time away from my husband, obviously, but it is harder with Rhem, especially when she starts to cry because she wants to stay with mommy. I just try to remind myself that she will be fine at home away from mom for a little bit, and that I am staying here so that I can care for our newest baby. Usually I am able to suck it back up fast, and continue with my night, but every text from husband brings back the tears. I just want us all to be home. Soon we will be. Must keep pressing on.

Last night, I was worn out, sad that my hubby and daughter just left, and knowing it will probably be an even tougher 2 days for Rhem, seeing that daddy will be spending his days at drill for the Army, and mommy will be at the hospital. Already upset, I check out of the postpartum area, grab my bags and head down to move into the NICU. When I arrive I see my daughter is now sleeping in her bouncy chair, with an empty bottle of formula sitting next to her. I come to find out that the new night nurse saw on the form if baby gets fussy to feed her formula… what that really meant was AFTER mom nurses baby and heads up, if baby wakes up with in the next few minutes acting hungry, feed her a little formula to help her get back to sleep, instead of making mom turn back around to feed for just a couple more minutes. I was furious. Even if my daughter wouldn’t have latched on, seeing some times we have problems with nursing, I still want to be the one to feed her. I want that bonding time. That is why I am still here and not at home with the rest of my family. Of course I cried and angrily text PJ about how upset I was. After cooling down and again reminding myself that the formula did not hurt Hadiley and that I have the rest of her life to bond with her, I went into my new room and got some sleep.

However, the night was not over. A couple hours later I woke up to a screaming baby ready to eat. First I needed to change her diaper, as I could smell a not so pleasant smell. Let me tell you, changing a hungry newborn babies diaper can be a challenge enough, but add in 6 different cords running down my her diaper, and hands that can reach and pull our her oxygen tubes, you got a real challenge. FINALLY diaper is changed and we are ready to eat. At this point Hadiley is furious with me, I try to get her to latch, she screams, her monitors are beeping like crazy since she had pulled out her oxygen, I am trying to keep as calm as possible to just get her to latch on, then the nurse comes in. “Oh, hey did you need help?” I stare at her blankly trying to understand if that was really a question. Of course I needed your help… you know like 15 minutes ago when I was trying to change a diaper wrapped in cords, with a machine that has been beeping none stop. However, I say nothing and look back down to try to get Hads to settle down and latch. The nurse then asks why I do not just give her some formula, I again explain how I REALLY want to breastfeed this baby. So every feeding I want to get her to at least nurse for a little bit, then after if she is still hungry, I will supplement. She just stands over me and watches. Just what I need, more pressure. Again, she pushes the can of formula. Finally I give in. I feed Hadiley her formula, followed by crying. Like I said, emotional roller coaster. When can I get off?

The next feeding I was overly emotional, exhausted, and just in a zombie like mood. I didn’t even try to nurse, as I had already felt so defeated. I got some more rest,Β  and when I woke up to a new nurse and I was ready to try again. We had a little bit of nursing time, but not enough to get even close to filling this big girl up, so she took some formula. After I got her to doze off, I started pumping. The next feeding when better. Nursed for 15 minutes, then she took a bottle of my bm I had pumped. Again, after she dozed off I began to pump. This last feeding was pretty much the same, we got a good 15-20 minutes of bonding, nursing time, then she drank and oz of the bm I pumped. I am feeling much happier and baby seems to be latching on better as well.

In other news, the doctor came by for his morning reports, and confirmed that we will be here for at least 7 days, but possibly 10. We have already been here for 3 days, so that means going home will be as early as Wednesday or as late as Saturday. Obviously I am hoping for Wednesday. He said she seems to be doing really well. She actually has already gained back her birth weight and some. She is getting completely weened off her IV today or tomorrow. She also is slowly getting weened off her oxygen tube as well. It was at 35% and now she is at 25%. Her vitals looks great, but that CRP still brings worry. She is continuing treatment for her CRP levels and hoping they go down in a few days so that we can leave on Wednesday instead of Saturday. Since the CRP is so high, they are doing back acupuncture to make sure she doesn’t have any fluids that could lead to infection in her brain. Again, this is a precaution type treatment, so that when she is released she is perfectly healthy, and doesn’t run a risk of suddenly getting ill with GBS.

I have been doing really well today though. PJ is on a break for drill right now to run and get me some more clothes from the house and possibly bring me some non hospital food. And later today my mom is bring by Rhem so I can cuddle her. We are keeping strong and thanking God that we are here for precaution and not because we have a child who is deathly ill. It could be SO much worse, and I am so happy it is not. I am also SO thankful for all of the support we have been getting from family and friends. You guys are awesome. Thanks for the encouragement, as well as laughs. Soon we will be home, and I will bomboard all of you with pictures of Rhem with her sister Hads. πŸ™‚

Mean while, here are some separate pictures of my girls… πŸ™‚
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She’s Here, She’s Here!!!

Finally, Hadiley has arrived.

Hadiley- Pronounced like had- (short i) -lee

On Tuesday morning I woke up to the glorious “bloody show.” I called my midwives around noon to let them know what was up, and tell them I was having a few mild contractions. They wanted me to come in just to see what was going on.

2:30pm- My midwife Pam checked me and I was dilated 4cm. She said it looked like I was in early stages of labor. Excitement filled the air.

7:00pm- Contractions were coming on strong about 8 minutes apart.

10:00pm- Strong contractions, about 6-7minutes apart. I called the midwives to see if i could come in, since we knew I was already at a 4, and I was Group B Positive and needed to be put on penicillin. They said no, they wanted contractions at least 4 minutes apart.

1am- Still 7 minutes apart, decides to try to get some sleep.

2am- To uncomfortable to sleep, decides to get down on the floor to do hands and knees during contractions.

3am- Contractions are very strong and 4 minutes apart. Called the midwives and got permission to FINALLY head in.

4am- Arrive at hospital. I get checked, I am at 7cm.

6am- I get an epidural because I am to exhausted to do anything, seeing I hadn’t slept since monday evening, and it was now Wednesday morning.

7am- I woke up to my water breaking.

7:15am- Midwife, Beth, checks me. Baby is nearly crowning. I do a practice push and baby starts her way out. Time to have baby. πŸ™‚ A few pushes later baby is fully crowning, and ring of fire is a go.

7:30- Two more pushes and our little girl is out.

Beautiful. 9 pounds. 4 ounces. 20 inches long. Light brown hair. Still has the pretty blue newborn colored eyes. Seems perfectly healthy and happy.

Things seemed to progress so fast and went so much easier than birth did with Rhem. She was happy and so alert.

However, this pregnancy I was Group B positive. For those who do not know, Group B Strep is a bacteria in a woman’s vagina. I usually is a harmless bacteria that lives in 30% of women that comes and goes. However, if Group B appears in your last few weeks of pregnancy you need to be given penicillin during labor so that baby does not get an infection. You need to have at least 2 doses of treatment, with 4 hours in between.

My first dose was at 4:30am. I had baby at 7:30am. Meaning I never got my second dose. They did the blood work on Hadiley to check her levels to see if the GBS had affected her. The level needed to be 6 or lower. Hers were 6.3 so the ordered another test for the next day to check if they were going down or up. The nurse accidentally put the order in for later that day, so a few hours later they checked her again, but this time her level was 14. She immediately was admitted into the NICU to begin treatment to fight off any type of infection. (if a baby get’s GBS they can become lethargic, have trouble eating, become limp, and have breathing problems… if goes untreated, could result in death)

She has seemed to be doing well. No fever, eating well, has good awake time, and a pretty laid back baby. However, she still could be here for 10 days if her levels do not start dropping.

The past day has been a roller coaster of emotions. Excitement to FINALLY have new little girl here. Joy that she is big, beautiful, and healthy. Fright in the fact her levels doubled in a couple hours and had to be admitted to the NICU. Sadness that I will have to spend more nights away from my other daughter Rhemidy. Exhaustion from going from back and forth between postpartum and NICU to nurse and cuddle with Hadiley. Stressed trying to figure out what to do with Rhemidy if Hadiley has to stay for another week.

I understand that this is life, and in life things do not always go as planned. In fact, often times they do not go how we imagined them to go. Usually I can suck it up, and embrace the changed. However, I am having more difficulty embracing things that havn’t gone as planned with this birth. I wanted to do this drug free. But at last minute I chickened out, thinking I could be here for hours. One hour after the epidural I gave birth. ONE HOUR. I could have lasted one more hour. I wanted to get to the hospital in time to get the 2 treatments of penicillin. I needed to be there for 4 hours. I was there for 3. I wanted to be discharged 24 hours after birth. Definitely did not happen. I wanted a perfect, healthy baby. She is perfect, but in the NICU. I wanted to ONLY ALLOW BREAST MILK. I gave in. After running back and fourth every hour trying to keep up with how much this girl wanted to eat, I allowed formula so that I could sleep for a couple hours straight. I, of course, cried about it. Why? I have no idea. Yes, Breast is Best.. however, formula is not a horrible thing. My first daughter was formula fed. She is a very smart, sweet, awesome, big, healthy almost 2 year old. So I do not know why giving her some formula made me feel like such a failure, but it did. Another thing I didn’t plan to happen, yet it happened.

But, at the end of the day what I need to do (besides keeping myself from crying of all the silly, little things) is be thankful. Thankful they made a mistake and took the test twice in one day, catching the CRP Levels rising and allowing her to start treatment sooner than later. Thankful I have had awesome nurses. Thankful she is eating well, doesn’t have a fever, and over all seems like a healthy baby. Thankful for family and friends who have been sending us gifts and prayers. Thankful that by the end of the week I will be taking home a healthy child, and not a sick child. Thankful that I do not have to watch my child suffer to live, like most parents do whose children are in the NICU. Thankful I have an awesome husband who is holding down fort at home, and embracing life as a single dad while I stay at the hospital to feed and cuddle Hadiley. Thankful for awesome daycare parents who tell us not to worry about when we’ll be open, but to worry about getting our daughter out of the hospital. Thankful for knowing God is with us in all of this.

Well now on to showing off this beautiful child of mine.
Introducing little Hadiley Grey

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(so I wrote this entry a day ago, but the computer froze and didn’t save it. I then cried. Oh hormones. πŸ™‚ )

Quick Update

Quick update. I am now 40 weeks and 4 days pregnant. & I am exhausted! Today I woke up with a “bloody show” so I was hoping I would start going into labor. A few contractions and back pains, but nothing consistent or strong. My dear friend Megan (who was 38 1/2 weeks) had her baby today though! (And it happens to be Megan’s birthday! How awesome is that?) Anyways, I have started spotting, so I called my midwives, and they are going to have me come in to get check to see what is going on. Hopefully it is a sign that labor is starting and I will have this girl tonight or tomorrow! So wish me luck! I shall keep this updated once I know more. I am so ready to meet this child! πŸ™‚

A Day of Fun

Well, still no baby, so we decided to have another family fun day celebrating Rhem being an only child. Today we went to eat at Quiznos for lunch. Rhem got a meatball marinara sandwich… which she didn’t eat any of the bread, just the meatballs, with some barbeque chips and pink lemonade! She seemed to thoroughly enjoy it, and loved watching the tax guy stand outside in a statue of Liberty costume waving to passing by cars. (mom and dad had a California Chicken Club… but no one really cares what we had lol) After lunch we picked up my niece, Leona, and headed to Monkey Joes. Rhem had a BLAST. At first she was scared to try to walk/jump so she just bounced all over on her knees, but soon after she was running around and jumping on top of all the blow ups. She loved having her cousin to play with, although at times Leona seemed a little bored in the little kid area. (she’s 4 1/2, while Rhem will only be turning 2 this spring) However, Leona said she had a great time, and Rhem definitely loved it. They even got a little ICEE treat after we were done playing. After 2 1/2 hours of jumping and running we headed out so Rhem could get a nap. She fell asleep 1 minutes before arriving home, so we quickly took her up to her bed, which she then instantly woke up and refused napped. Blah. I was exhausted! (as was dad) Finally and hour later we got her to nap, but then mom had to get up to us the restroom and Rhem woke up. Nap time over. Oh well. After our attempt at nap, Rhem was not in a very good mood. Combined with lack of sleep, and more girl having an upset stomach, we spent an hour of trying to calm her down. After giving her some meds and some cereal to munch on, she went back to her bubbly, hilarious self! We currently have two Siberian Huskies, and OMGoodness they are shedding like CRAZY. Anyways, Havok (our male husky) walked by Rhem and a huge chunk of hair fell off, and Rhem yelled, “OH MAN!” and ran over to pick up the hair and placed it back on to Havok’s back. I couldn’t stop laughing. She loves her dogs. (they drive me insane though. I miss having cats, they were so much easier than two crazy dogs.)

Kinda bummed I forgot to take my camera with us to Monkey Joes, but I do have some pictures to post!
Rhem eating an apple, waiting for Nana to pick her up. πŸ™‚
Wearing her new hat, getting ready to head out to get groceries!
Haha. Today she watched me put on my eye liner, and as I was straightening my hair, I caught her trying to put eye liner on herself.
40 weeks & 1 day. Guesses on how far I’ll go? My guess is 40 weeks & 6 days (mainly because that means she would be born on a Thursday the 7th, and Rhem was born on a Thursday the 7th. πŸ™‚
Trying to steal mom’s camera so she can look at pictures of herself. IMG_5934
Carefully carrying her plate of cinnamon rolls over to where daddy was sitting. So big. πŸ™‚

Well, off to bed. Hope tomorrow doesn’t fly by as fast as today did. I am not ready to go back to work on Monday… I need some more rest before baby gets here!