Wednesday morning I gave birth to another beautiful, 9 pound baby. She was alert, happy, and perfect. By evening she was admitted into the NICU because I was GBS positive, and her CRP Levels were twice what they should be. It has been an emotional roller coaster the last couple days.
I spent Wednesday night, all day & night Thursday, and all day Friday running between the 3rd (NICU) floor and the 5th (postpartum) floor. In between feeding times my husband would come to visit with Rhem. Those moments were always so sweet, but left me in tears every time they left, knowing I was spending another night away from my big girl, Rhem. It was a lot harder than I anticipated. It also is hard to spend time away from my husband, obviously, but it is harder with Rhem, especially when she starts to cry because she wants to stay with mommy. I just try to remind myself that she will be fine at home away from mom for a little bit, and that I am staying here so that I can care for our newest baby. Usually I am able to suck it back up fast, and continue with my night, but every text from husband brings back the tears. I just want us all to be home. Soon we will be. Must keep pressing on.
Last night, I was worn out, sad that my hubby and daughter just left, and knowing it will probably be an even tougher 2 days for Rhem, seeing that daddy will be spending his days at drill for the Army, and mommy will be at the hospital. Already upset, I check out of the postpartum area, grab my bags and head down to move into the NICU. When I arrive I see my daughter is now sleeping in her bouncy chair, with an empty bottle of formula sitting next to her. I come to find out that the new night nurse saw on the form if baby gets fussy to feed her formula… what that really meant was AFTER mom nurses baby and heads up, if baby wakes up with in the next few minutes acting hungry, feed her a little formula to help her get back to sleep, instead of making mom turn back around to feed for just a couple more minutes. I was furious. Even if my daughter wouldn’t have latched on, seeing some times we have problems with nursing, I still want to be the one to feed her. I want that bonding time. That is why I am still here and not at home with the rest of my family. Of course I cried and angrily text PJ about how upset I was. After cooling down and again reminding myself that the formula did not hurt Hadiley and that I have the rest of her life to bond with her, I went into my new room and got some sleep.
However, the night was not over. A couple hours later I woke up to a screaming baby ready to eat. First I needed to change her diaper, as I could smell a not so pleasant smell. Let me tell you, changing a hungry newborn babies diaper can be a challenge enough, but add in 6 different cords running down my her diaper, and hands that can reach and pull our her oxygen tubes, you got a real challenge. FINALLY diaper is changed and we are ready to eat. At this point Hadiley is furious with me, I try to get her to latch, she screams, her monitors are beeping like crazy since she had pulled out her oxygen, I am trying to keep as calm as possible to just get her to latch on, then the nurse comes in. “Oh, hey did you need help?” I stare at her blankly trying to understand if that was really a question. Of course I needed your help… you know like 15 minutes ago when I was trying to change a diaper wrapped in cords, with a machine that has been beeping none stop. However, I say nothing and look back down to try to get Hads to settle down and latch. The nurse then asks why I do not just give her some formula, I again explain how I REALLY want to breastfeed this baby. So every feeding I want to get her to at least nurse for a little bit, then after if she is still hungry, I will supplement. She just stands over me and watches. Just what I need, more pressure. Again, she pushes the can of formula. Finally I give in. I feed Hadiley her formula, followed by crying. Like I said, emotional roller coaster. When can I get off?
The next feeding I was overly emotional, exhausted, and just in a zombie like mood. I didn’t even try to nurse, as I had already felt so defeated. I got some more rest, and when I woke up to a new nurse and I was ready to try again. We had a little bit of nursing time, but not enough to get even close to filling this big girl up, so she took some formula. After I got her to doze off, I started pumping. The next feeding when better. Nursed for 15 minutes, then she took a bottle of my bm I had pumped. Again, after she dozed off I began to pump. This last feeding was pretty much the same, we got a good 15-20 minutes of bonding, nursing time, then she drank and oz of the bm I pumped. I am feeling much happier and baby seems to be latching on better as well.
In other news, the doctor came by for his morning reports, and confirmed that we will be here for at least 7 days, but possibly 10. We have already been here for 3 days, so that means going home will be as early as Wednesday or as late as Saturday. Obviously I am hoping for Wednesday. He said she seems to be doing really well. She actually has already gained back her birth weight and some. She is getting completely weened off her IV today or tomorrow. She also is slowly getting weened off her oxygen tube as well. It was at 35% and now she is at 25%. Her vitals looks great, but that CRP still brings worry. She is continuing treatment for her CRP levels and hoping they go down in a few days so that we can leave on Wednesday instead of Saturday. Since the CRP is so high, they are doing back acupuncture to make sure she doesn’t have any fluids that could lead to infection in her brain. Again, this is a precaution type treatment, so that when she is released she is perfectly healthy, and doesn’t run a risk of suddenly getting ill with GBS.
I have been doing really well today though. PJ is on a break for drill right now to run and get me some more clothes from the house and possibly bring me some non hospital food. And later today my mom is bring by Rhem so I can cuddle her. We are keeping strong and thanking God that we are here for precaution and not because we have a child who is deathly ill. It could be SO much worse, and I am so happy it is not. I am also SO thankful for all of the support we have been getting from family and friends. You guys are awesome. Thanks for the encouragement, as well as laughs. Soon we will be home, and I will bomboard all of you with pictures of Rhem with her sister Hads. 🙂